Here They Are

The Top Ten Reasons I Do Not Drive A Monster Truck

10. They don't come with the LATCH system for carseats.

9. The temptation to crush cars driving in front of me going 5 mph under the speed limit would be unbearable, and I would not look good in prison orange.

8. The other parents would think I was a showoff when they saw me doing wheelstands in the preschool pickup line.

7. Adam would definitely steal my keys to go joyriding.

6. Libby doesn't have any hairbows that coordinate with...mud.

5. It wouldn't fit in the garage.

4. It wouldn't fit in the parking spaces at Target.

3. What's the gas mileage on those things, anyway?

2. Everywhere I went, I'd have to hear it: "SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY...BE THERE!!!"

1. Come on. My monogram would look totally silly on the back windshield of a monster truck.