Moms Take the Fun Out of Everything

Here are just a very few of the things I have inadvertently neglected to warn Adam specifically against doing. I have since remedied this.

1. Do not silently slip out of your carseat when we are about to leave for preschool and race down to the neighbors' house to "give Josh a present" while Mommy steps back into the house for 5 seconds to get her tea. She will be extremely worried when she returns to the car to find the child she left securely belted in inexplicably AWOL.

2. Yanking a bolted baby gate clean out of the wall, while quite effective for your immediate purpose of getting from Point A to Point B, is not a good idea. Especially when said baby gate (and said wall) is not in our house.

3. We don't write on sofas with ink pens. Especially when said sofas don't belong to us.

4. Only the preschool teachers are allowed to open the playground gates. No more of this Pied Piper stuff, buddy.

5. You are too little to reach your top dresser drawer. If you stack pillows up against the dresser and stand on the pile on your tiptoes during "naptime," you will fall and get hurt.

6. 3-year-olds should not pull tiny Lego pieces apart with their teeth. The American Academy of Pediatrics would probably frown on that. Only mommies can do it.

7. Nor are 3-year-olds allowed to give snacks to their baby sisters. It took Mommy a long time to clean all that chocolate off Libby.

8. Not everyone thinks seeing your bare little bottom is as funny as you do. (OK, I admit...it gives me a chuckle.) But if I were you, I'd stop flashing it.