What Andrew's Been Reading Lately (Or, Why I Almost Had a Heart Attack When I Looked on His Nightstand)

What I saw at first glance:

After experiencing some initial shortness of breath, I thought, "Wait.  This is Andrew," and moved the noisemaker to reveal:

...A very poorly titled page about red-footed boobies (birds!) in National Geographic Kids magazine.  Some editor clearly didn't think this through.