A Heartfelt Letter to My Children

My precious children,

I love you all dearly. The thought of each one of you brings a smile to my face and a leap to my heart. This morning I have a request to make of you as individuals and as a group. At this point I would like to remind you that I carried each of your giant selves around in my body for nine really long months and labored rather painfully for hours with sketchy epidurals to bring you into this world. And I would gladly do it all again for each one of you.

Here is my request: For the love of all that is merciful, would you please start sleeping in past 6:00 am? I'm talking to all of you here. I know there are children who sleep until 7:00 every morning. I have met them and their well-rested mothers. There are even rumors of some kids who don't wake up until 8:00, but I have dismissed them as urban legends because surely that isn't possible. I'm not asking for any such heroics from you. I would be thrilled if everyone could just stay asleep even until 6:30 am.

I will do anything to help you in this undertaking. I will give you candy. Your rooms are as dark and womblike as your father and I can make them. No sunlight is waking you at 5:30 am every morning. Your noisemakers are blaring white in the background, masking all potential traffic sounds from the street. Faithful old Zoe is downstairs quietly sleeping (LIKE YOU SHOULD BE AT THAT HOUR), not barking. I have diligently read and employed every last one of Dr. Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits recommendations. My copy of the book is almost in tatters. I have tinkered with naps and bedtimes. Yet still, you rise, you rise. And you...and I...and your father...we are all so tired.

My sweet little ones, it has come to this. Your mother is begging you...on the internet. You come from a long line of sleeper-inners. Don't turn your back on your heritage. Make us proud. SLEEP IN A LITTLE, FOR PETE'S SAKE.

Your loving and exhausted mother